Femme Fatale

"There’s a lizard on your car"

Just one sentence and it was enough to send me quaking at the corner of my driver’s seat.

Everyone is afraid of something. There’s always that one thing that goes bump in the night that makes your hair stand on ends.

Some people are afraid of heights.

Some afraid of the sea.

Some cringe at the sound of nails scratching against a blackboard.

Hell, my 54 year old, black-belt, taekwando Master daddy is the first to jump onto the dining table when a rat scurries by while mummy runs after it with a broom.

And my 24 year old sister screams the house down when she sees a cockroach basking like 20 feet away from her. But she can easily swoop down and catch a wriggling lizard with her bare hands.

And my fear - LIZARDS!

I hate them brown coloured, cold clammy things that cling everywhere - house ceilings, behind curtains, on billboards, in your shoes…..urgh (quiver)…they’re everywhere!

These irritating, little creatures that make that horrible, horrible sounds! It penetrates through my brains and stays there like for an eternity!

And sometimes I wonder, how do they even get onto my car!!!???

I peered over Pearlz’s shoulder and two eyes just stared back, unblinking, looking at us like as if it knows we’re afraid. I swear It knows!!! And it was actually enjoying our fear - knowing that it has us trapped inside the bloody car.

My heart goes out to the poor security guard who so happened to be walking pass at that time. He must have been thinking, "What are those two idiots waving at me for?"

Correction. We weren’t waving. We were frantically calling him to come over and help us whack the damn thing off my car. But neither one of us dared to even roll the windows down a little to explain the situation. The lizard looked POISONOUS! We might be killed! Or worse…..turned into lizards! Ack!

In the end, the security guard managed to catch the squirmy thing (with his bare hands - which, by the way, was damn stupid of him). But just as we were walking away from the car, the thing managed to wriggle out from his grasp and it ran towards us!

You should have seen the jump. I think we scored perfect 10s. And the screams! It was enough to send two other Indian men running in our direction to find out what happened.

You know, Pearlz is actually not that afraid of lizards. But I think my fear rubbed off on her….it was classic!

Actually, now, when I’m sitting here and thinking about it, it doesn’t feel like it was as bad as it was when it happened, but nevertheless, I think Pearlz and I will never, ever forget about this incident, which happened to us at the 2nd floor of the Pyramid Shopping Centre’s carpark.

There is no light at the end of the tunnel. Not even the slightest breeze. It’s still, it’s quiet, it’s dark. There is absolutely nothing for me to do, nothing that I CAN do. Except to wait…..and wait……and wait…..

The world has come to an end.

Okay, the world has not come to an end for eveyone….but it has for me.

Somehow, a huge, ugly, white blob has managed to form right under my left nostril, filled with fierce, poisonous puss, just waiting to spew out when the white volcano errupts, leaving nothing but angry, boiling toxins flowing out, killing and eating up everything in its way. And once it has coursed through its path, the once-ugly, white blob would be gone, leaving nothing but a slight reddish mark, the only sign that there once existed a huge, ugly white blob filled with poisonous puss.

Unfortunately for me, this volcano which has so conveniently attached itself on my face, under my nose, is not even near to erruption. And it has been like that for the pass week.

And if it doesn’t disappear in the next 2 days, I swear I will HANG myself! I have a wedding dinner to attend on Saturday night (today is already Thursday) and it is like a very important dinner as I will be meeting the boyfriend’s friends for the first time ever and I absolutely CANNOT allow them to see me with this fugly looking parasite at the bottom of my NOSE!!!!

Oh gawd….if it doesn’t go away anytime soon before Saturday, I don’t know what I’m going to do to myself. I might as well just call the hangman to come get me now cause there is OBVIOUSLY no bloody way it’s gonna errupt by Saturday!

*WAIL*!!!!

My life is ending! There is no more reason to live. There is no more reason to go and face the world. I might as well just walk around with a doggie bag over my face!

I might as well just dig a hole right now and bury myself in it. Or go find a cave in Tibet and NEVER come out EVER!

Anything is better than having this THING under my nose!

And to make it all worse, it looks like a FUCKING piece of nose shit stuck there!

LIFE IS JUST SOOOOOOO UNFAIR TO ME!!!!

I was looking forward to the night since I woke I up in the morning. I knew it was going to be such an exciting night. The right place, the right people, the right music, and to be there with the boyfriend and jamieling…..oooh (squeals!)….what more could a girl ask for!

The moment arrived. I was decked out in my best Mambo-Jumbo outfit (with earrings to match too!) and looking as usual all attractive and perfect! The people miling about all looked sooooo good too and I could not believe that I was actually here!

After so many weeks dreaming about it, trying to find time to come for it, persuading the boyfriend to bring me to it, I was finally, finally here and it was all just sooooo exciting! You know, after being cooped up in the house for such a long time, it just felt really good to be doing what I used to do a year ago - parting on a weekday!

And as the boyfriend led me and jamieling through the entrance, I felt a surge of familiarity to be walking that path again, and as I breezed through, a smile lifted the corner of my lips. Oh, to feel what it was like to be young again….

*SMACK*! (right at the chest, thank you!)

"Miss…I need to see some identification, please".

Oh, to feel what it was like to be young again….(quite literally, of course), I continued keeping that smile on my face as I watched the boyfriend fumble to remove my ID from his wallet, hands it over to the bouncer, watched the bugger look at it, saw the fact that I was and AM 26 dawn on his face, looked at him pass the card back to the boyfriend, smiled at him as he waved me through and continued keeping that smile plastered on my face until we were out of sight from him…..and then….

AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Why does this happen EVERY, SINGLE TIME I come to Velvet / Zouk???!!! Can’t they just fucking leave me alone??? Isn’t it quite obvious that there are wrinkles on my forehead and that I am so WAAAAAAAY over the age limit???

I don’t even know whether to take this as a compliment or not? So, I’m 26 and I look young. This doesn’t mean that they can just totally ruin my grand entrance into a party that I was dreaming off for so long. Imagine what the other people waiting in line behind me must be thinking!

"Oh my goodness….if that girl is underaged, she soooo shouldn’t be here"

"Why are they even checking her ID, hello??? She looks like she’s 80!"

And goodness knows what other things would be running through other people’s minds. Ok ok…so maybe I’m thinking too much and people aren’t even thinking about anything. So I’m just being a little self-conscious and paranoid. But I have every right to be. Sue me.

And it wasn’t helping that jamieling was laughing her ass off at what happened. In fact, it made me feel no less than an idiot….*sigh*….

So, do I even take it as a compliment? Yes, of course. Don’t all girls like to look younger than the age they really are? I mean, I am happy, of course, that I look soooo much younger than my actual 26 years….but there are better times to find out my age instead of at the entrance to a great party.

Maybe the next time I go around there, I should stick my fucking ID on my forehead.

Suddenly, I felt hollow and empty, and as I stared at the screen, I knew something inside me was dying. The colours went out, the sounds around me died down and I just sat there, staring at nothing, suffering in silence, as my heart went out to Germany.

Italy has scored their first goal in the final 5 minutes.

The roar of the hardcore Italian supporters rocketed through the stadium, bursting into thunderous cheers as it exploded out through the Sony surround sound speakers in my living room, but I heard nothing….nothing but the silent thudding of one’s dying heart. And a single tear seeped out from the corner of my eye. Germany has met its match in Italy. And this time, the Italians has done it.

Before there was even time for the first goal to sink into my broken heart, the thunderous roar of the second goal came to an ear-splitting level and almost deafened my senses. Del Pierro has scored the final goal which will bring Italy to the finals, and that goal killed me.

The tears just started pouring. It was uncontrollable. It was heart-wrenching sobs. It was like freaking Niagra Falls. But I couldn’t help myself. In fact, I actually shocked myself because I never knew that I was such a passionate supporter for Germany that I could actually cry like that. But I did. And I’m proud to be a Germany supporter.

I must admit, it was a good game. The Italians really made an effort and they deserved this win. They played well and they gave the Germans a run for the ball. Perhaps the Germans were over-confident, perhaps they were over-pressured from their home country, whichever it was, they played well, but not good enough. But they did good.

I guess it was just not meant to be for them to take home the World Cup this year, but perhaps they just might take the next one back - and I honestly believe they will.

But in the meantime, my heart goes out to the Germans and there is nothing much I can do for them from here, but to give two days of my life to bemoan the fact that they played well, but not well enough.

Therefore, I shall be decked in nothing but black today and tomorrow, to silently grieve with my fellow Germany supporters on that which was not to be.

Sometimes, I don’t understand why some people find so much joy in tormenting others. I mean, does it really make you happy seeing someone else getting so damn bloody irritated by your actions?

It’s like a freaking fly that wont leave you alone and is just waiting to get swatted! And that’s exactly how I feel about a certain someone that I have to be working very closely with. Fuck.

There are a lot of things in life that I really don’t like, but one of the things I really, really, really HATE is men who are sooooo damn bloody fucking over-confident of themselves!

"I’m free tonight, so aren’t you gonna ask me out?"

"Here, feel my chest. You’re gonna be feeling more than this if I take off my shirt"

"It’s not often that a good-looking, well-built guy comes along and tells you that he’s free for you to ask him out, you know, so you sure you don’t want to ask me out?"

And FINALLY….

"Oh, it has to be dinner, not lunch cos I don’t perform well in broad daylight",

WTF???!!!!

Sms-es that come in during my personal time after office hours when I’m spending time with the boyfriend, e-mails that flood my inbox almost every day, phone calls at un-godly hours……I could just murder someone!!!

I don’t need you to tell me that I need someone good-looking and well-built in my life lorr. I don’t need you to tell me that i can ask you out lorr. And I definitely do not need you to come and make stupid passes at me everyday lorr. I have a life to lead and it will be very much better of you weren’t annoying the shit outta me every day!

As it is, I already have loads of other things occupying my time. Work. Relationship. Finances. Decisions. Life. I don’t need retards like you making it all the more worse for me….

So go bother someone else. Go jerk yourself. Whatever. But leave me alone.