Femme Fatale

My cousin’s wedding is in two weeks…

She still hasn’t gotten the blessings from her future mother-in-law….

And my godmother is hiring security guards to guard the wedding entourage as well as the house when it is left empty….

And all for what?

The fact that the future mother-in-law despises the fact that her only son is marrying a Chinese lady - my beautiful, intelligent 29 year old cousin.

Whatever happened to freedom to choose? Whatever happened to OUR RIGHT TO RELIGION?

You see, it all boils down to the fact that even in the 21st century - NOW - religion is still very much the problem when it comes to relationships, marriages and what not.

Take for example, a close friend of mine. She’s Chinese. He’s Chinese. But she’s Japanese Buddhist and he’s Protestant. And she’s widely known (in his church) as the ‘Devil’ who’s trying to take away one of their angels. And she was even told to her face about it - by THEM!

WHY do people condemn other people’s religion when their actions alone is already proving to the whole world that they are not learning very much by condemning others.

WHY do people think that other religions or race are not as good as their own?

Doesn’t ALL religion teach us the same basics?

• learn to love others as you love yourself
• love your God

So, why don’t people just stick to their own religions, do what they were taught to do, and just leave their stinking noses OUT of other people’s religion!

Not good!!!!!

First email I get when I logged into my inbox this morning was this:

Are Past Loves the Key to Romantic Bliss?

Argghhhh!!! So much for trying my best to ‘understand’ this whole thing!

Even my emails aren’t helping.

The ‘Ex’ has finally appeared after soooo many months of dating!

Okay, fine, I haven’t really seen her - yet. In fact, I haven’t even met her. I’ve only seen a small picture of her on Friendster (HIS Friendster list, mind you). But then again, I have almost all my ex-es on my list as well, so I can’t really complain about that eventhough I’m always right. Anyways, yeah….

So, it’s not like as if I never knew about her existence. I did. Right from the start too. But to me, she has always been someone from his past. And would always stay there. And it was all the more easier for me to make believe that she will always be kept in the past because as it is, she isn’t even in the country! Until now, that is.

And I can’t handle it! I don’t know how to handle it!

It’s like I have mixed feelings or something. I don’t even know how to describe what I’m feeling now. Fuck, I’ve never felt anything like this before! I’m like stepping on unfamiliar territory here and I just don’t know how to find my way out.

First of all, he’s the first guy I’ve ever dated who has dated before. I’m his third actually. But for me, I’ve ALWAYS been the first for all my past boyfriends. Which is why I never had to face an ‘Ex’-situation like that before. Which is why I am feeling so insecure now. Which is why for the very first time now, I’m in a situation that is OUT of my control!

When I heard that the ‘Ex’ was back in town, I didn’t know how to react to it. All I did was just a lame, "Oh, okay. So will you be meeting her?" with a fake smile plastered onto my face. What else could I do? I didn’t know what to say.

It’s like, on one hand, I try my best to be the understanding girlfriend. After all, ‘they’ were over like 3 years ago and now, it’s ‘us’ already.

But on the other hand, I can’t help but feel extremely slightly uneasy because ‘they’ didn’t end because he stopped loving her. ‘They’ ended because things just weren’t working out. She was too busy pursuing her own interest and dreams and he was too busy with his own career. And time just wasn’t on ‘their’ side. And I guess things just ended because ‘they’ started spending less and less time with each another. Which makes it even worse for me to handle it NOW because as far as I’m concerned, ‘they’ didn’t end because he stopped loving her.

Wail! Drama I know….but then again, I’m well-known for being one.

But drama or not, everywhere we go, we’re surrounded by stories of people leaving their current partners to work things out with their ex-es. In fact, I just heard about someone I know, whose girlfriend left him to go back to her ex, merely 3 days ago.

So, though I’m trying my utter best to be the understanding girlfriend (hell, I even went to the extreme of asking him, today, if he was going to catch up with her soon since she’s back and oh gawd! even attempted to cracked a joke about asking where she stays so that I can dump him back at her house and beg her to pleeeeeease take him back), I am also feeling very jealous, possessive and unsure. I can’t help but torture myself with thoughts of him dumping me unceremoniously one day to fly back into her arms.

And I guess until the day I learn to take charge of the situation, I’m going to continue giving myself mental stress and hopefully, I might become so numb from the whole thing that I would become emotionless - especially when it comes to situations like this. 

There’s someone I know, very close to in fact, who is this close to falling flat on her face, and she doesn’t even know it yet. Well, perhaps she DOES know it but it hasn’t really sunk into that thick skull of hers that she is going to fall. Does she have to fall first before realizing that she has fallen?

Do we really need to get hurt first before we learn our lesson?

Sometimes, it isn’t because we were too blind to see what lies ahead of us. Sometimes, it could be because we do not want to see what there is in front of us. Perhaps it is because we know what we’re doing right now is wrong, and that if we continue on the same path, the road will only lead us to disaster, and we do not really want to think about that first.

Or it could be because we really are blinded by what’s happening now and no matter what people are telling us or advicing us, we have full confidence that the road ahead is clear…..that is until we fall 20 feet down into a dark hole.

Some people land on their feet.

Some fall, break a few bones, but somehow manage to push themselves up to walk again.

Some just lie there, cry and sob their whole broken heart away, wail about the pain and hurt they’re going through, but don’t do anything about it.

Some might be fortunate enough to have good friends and family to help them up. But what about those who don’t? Are they just going to lie there forever, hoping and waiting that some day, somehow, someone will finally come to their aid?

Perhaps some people just really need to learn things the hard way to finally learn something.

I’ve already done so much one can do to prevent my loved one from falling flat on her pretty little nose. Whether she wants to heed my advice, that’s entirely up to her. I cannot force her into doing something she doesn’t want to do. I cannot force her to see something that she doesn’t want to see. I can only pray and hope that everything will turn out for the best and that I was wrong all these while.

And in the mean time until the road ahead looks a little clearer, I shall hope and pray that nothing will happen to make retard the nose of my loved one.

The night before my family and I left for Cheng Beng, I was just talking to my mummy right, and was going on and on complaining about this and that, and she said something that made me stop and ponder. Hmmm….will they ever?

I mean, we can even go shopping for clothes online, or order food through the Internet, or even sell our cats and dogs through the web portal. Basically, anything we want to get rid off or buy can be done through the Internet.

Even catching up on the latest updates of a friend’s life can be read online - every single detail too.

Like for me, I don’t have to catch up with Mich or Tjin or the rest of the gang to know what’s been happening in their lives. All I ever have to do is to log onto Friendster search for their pictures on my list and VIOLA! I get to see pictures of them and what they’ve been up to lately, where the party was (and how come I wasn’t there), and who’s their latest lover or what not.

And when I meet up with them the next time, I don’t even have to ask them, "Hey girls, what you been up to lah?"….they already know everything there is to know about me and vice versa.

So, here I ponder….

Will we ever be able to go for Cheng Beng online?

How SOON would that be?