Femme Fatale

Kieren James…..

I’m usually NOT the motherly type, and I so do NOT usually ponder about names for my future kids, but somehow, as I was sitting on the bog this morning, this name just weaved itself into my head and planted itself in my heart. Okok, I know it’s not exactly a very nice thought to know that my name was thought up when my mother was taking a dump la, but it’s not like as if i was purposely thinking up names. I mean, hello, I was trying to SHIT! get rid of the unused items in my body!

I can just imagine my mother telling me how she came up with my name. "We actually wanted a son, and we actually thought we were getting a son because your umblical cord got stuck between your legs. So imagine our surprise when out popped a little girl from between my legs!"

I was originally supposed to be known as Kristopher Gerald Ho, gender MALE (thanks to the umblical cord) but now, known as Kristy Geraldine Ho, gender FEMALE instead. Gee…I must say I WAS glad I was born a girl instead of a boy….that is….until I got my first taste of mentrual cramps, cold sweat running down my forehead, cannot even stand properly, having to run to the ladies every 3 hours just to check that I don’t stain my seluar dalam - again, having to wash and scrub out the stains when I DID stain it, having to wake up at bloody 4am in the morning cause I ter-stained my bedsheets, and having to spend so damn much on sanitary pads….and those extra-longs with wings, thank you.

I WAS glad I was born a girl instead of a boy….that is….until I heard about the 9 fucking months of NO sex, bloating into an ugly oversized pumpkin, swelling breasts, huge ugly-ass clothings, STRETCH MARKS aarghh!!!!, and being forced to consume foul-smelling, disgusting tasting herbs forced down your throat by over-excited in-laws only to have the little thing growing inside you kick and jab it’s limbs into your sides causing your tummy to turn into an unsightly bulge.

And then, after that 9 months of having weird cravings and terrible mood swings, you go into 48 hours of excrutiating painful labour, wanting to bite the fingers off that nurse who’s trying to calm you down while the darn doctor is forcing his WHOLE fist INSIDE you to probe around for the head of the little devil who’s causing all these, just to give birth to a wailing, screaming, little miniature of yourself covered in your own blood.

And so, I think to myself again, fuck, why wasn’t I born a boy instead?

But I guess nature has her own plans for me. Maybe that’s why I wasn’t given the prick between my legs which I was suppose to have. And, I’ve grown to love being a woman. Besides, women can do everything a man can, yes, even piss standing up and masturbating! I still love camping and climbing trees bare-legged. I can still throw myself into the waters like a rolling canon-ball and go go-cart racing with the fellas. Hell, I even beat some of them at pool (shall not mention names here…have egos to preserve)!

And yes, we, as women, do not have to deal with that thing called EGO. We do whatever we want, wear whatever we like and pick-up whomever we want. And if we ever fall which is like NEVER we can always pick ourselves up again and walk on and not even look like as if our pride took a tumble down just a few seconds ago. And that IS what so special about women.

However….back to the topic on names….if I ever do get married and pregnant (which is VERY, VERY unlikely), I would like to have a boy….so that I can name him….

Kieren James….and yes, even names which are thought up of when you’re on the bog, is special.

This entry was posted on Monday, January 23rd, 2006 at 5:22 am and is filed under Personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.